remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
