he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
