Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
