I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
