we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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