I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
