Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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