I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
