the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
