i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
