On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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