I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
