I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
