Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you win again, gameday.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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