He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
