omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
