who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Boobs are out for the taking
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
