apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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