but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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