i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He is an equal opportunity slut.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
