Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
