who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
