I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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