My hand turned me down
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
