Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
