sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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