...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize