My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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