TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
