sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
