moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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