I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
