Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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