Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
