you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
