im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
