He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
