was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
