I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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