Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
