So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
