i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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