stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
