i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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