Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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