I seem to have left my pride at pride
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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