We're facebook friends in real life
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
