Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
