im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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