We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
