just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
