My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
