I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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