I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
