please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
