whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
