As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Enjoy the penises
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
