Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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