i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
