Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
