i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
