My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
