just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
