Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
