It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
