dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
