omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
