I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
