Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
