I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
