the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
