When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
