If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
