Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
