there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
