so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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