so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
