It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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