Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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