I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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