My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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